Hero Mom

Yesterday I got to be a hero. Here's how this rare title became mine for a few moments in time.

As I was putting the kids to bed, boy wonder couldn't find his new Star Wars Storm Trooper. He said he left it in the cargo pocket of his church pants, but he couldn't find his pants. I said that I had seen them in the laundry hamper. He said he looked there and they weren't there. We walked to the laundry hamper and there they were right on top. Figures right? That's not the hero part though.

When he looked in the pocket there was no Star Wars Storm Trooper. Things began to get tense. He had just purchased this the day before with his own money. We looked around, but couldn't find it and it was getting late. I told him he needed to get to bed and that we'd look for it the next day. He fought back tears as he climbed into bed. "I think I lost it and I'll never find it." "Don't worry buddy, we'll find it."

A few minutes later while I was reading a book, he came to me with red watery eyes and said, "Mom, will you wake me up early tomorrow so I can have time to look for my Storm Trooper before school?" I reached out and pulled him up into my lap and said, "Let's think about where you had your Storm Trooper." Step by step we retraced the activities of the day. Took it to church, came home, played outside; "did you take it outside?". "No". "You played downstairs, did you take it down there?" "No, I looked there already." Hmmm....we continued to try and recall all that we had done. Then I remembered that we went out to eat after church. "Did you take it to the restaurant?" "Yes." "What coat did you wear?"

With lightening speed he jumped from my lap and ran out of the room. Within a few short minutes he returned with a somber look on his face. "Did you find it?" Sheepishly he opened his hand and revealed the cherished Storm Trooper. He climbed back up in my lap and gave me a big hug. He didn't say the words, but I'm sure he must have been thinking that at that moment his mom was his hero. It felt good.

Comment to Love Wins

Ah Joann, I think about mom and miss her everyday as well. I have always loved that picture of you and mom in front of the bathroom mirror. I think that bathroom was turquoise.

Being 6 years older than you I do remember a few things about your birth and babyhood with mom. She loved to cuddle you. She loved to put a curl on the top of your head. (I thought it looked silly.) She loved dressing you in pink. She loved to rock you and hum you a little song. She would let me hold you by putting a pillow on my lap and laying you on it. I have a vague memory of mom putting you in the “buggy” (they weren’t called strollers back then I don’t think) and taking us all for a walk around Bundy street.

As you grew older she loved that you liked to play dress-up in girlie clothes. I always played dress-up by putting on Jimmie's clothes. It was the only time I got to wear jeans and to me that was freedom! After 6 years with a tomboy, she was so happy to have a girlie-girl who liked girlie things. I was totally ok with that since it took the pressure off of me to conform!

Mom would be proud of us, Joann; not with many words, but in her quiet way. She’d smile that sort of half smile where it would start out as if she was trying not to smile and then it would turn into a big grin. You know the one, we see it now in Jodie. I wonder if she would see herself in Jodie if she was still here.

Thanks for writing about mom. I miss her so much, but I’m thankful that one day we will all be together again. I love you Joann. And I love you mom.

And Another Thing

My last post examined the idea that as Christians we often think that we need to be struggling with some issue in order to feel like we're maturing in our faith. Furthermore, pastors often preach to us about sin, evil desires, and all the things we're doing that keep us from God.

And then today I was reading in Dallas Willard's book, "The Divine Conspiracy", and bam, there it was. He was explaining what Jesus meant when he spoke of the kingdom of heaven, also noting that churches today rarely speak of Jesus as teacher. Instead we hear a lot about the dos and don'ts of "right" living. Willard writes, "We are flooded with what I have called 'gospels of sin management'...while Jesus' invitation to eternal life now...remains for the most part ignored and unspoken." That's it! That's what I have been feeling and trying to convey, but good 'ol Dallas does it so much better. (I must confess here that this is the second time I have begun reading this book. It's definitely not an easy read, especially for someone who has spent the last 12 years as a stay-at-home mom. Gotta get rid of those dust bunnies of the brain.)

I'm learning to love and serve Jesus because he is my Lord but also because he is my friend and, like Paul, "I want to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his suffering, becoming like him in his death, so as to somehow attain to the resurrection from the dead." Phil. 3:10 That's not about "sin management", that's about living the eternal life now. The word "know" is used here like the word "intimate". I want to know Him intimately.

But (there's that big but again), it doesn't stop there. Knowing Jesus intimately and becoming more like him everyday turns me outward, not inward. And that's where I often feel challenged. What can I do to show God's love in a practical way not just to those around me...that doesn't seem challenging enough. Well, there are some around me who are quite challenging, but I'm speaking about the forgotten, the poor and oppressed that Jesus so often spoke about. My heart desires to do more, maybe volunteer at a women's center or something like that. I must explore this further.

Somewhere a dog barks......

Not To Fast

Well, my fasting days are over. Yep it's true. I quit. Gave it a try and gave it up. But (and everyone's got a big but), I'm ok with it. Seriously. Weird huh? I'm not even carrying around that evangelical guilt that so often jumps on my back and puts me in that choke hold.

Here's the thing. I'm a health nut. Even more so since my battle with cancer. I don't really look at food as a crutch or as entertainment. For me it's more about keeping myself alive through smart choices. I have become quite disciplined about it. So while fasting I discovered that I began to be obsessed with food. I'd think about when and what I could eat next. The day before the fast, I'd start thinking that I better eat more to get me through the next day. After the fast, I'd be so hungry that I'd eat too much. I started becoming unhealthy, the very thing I have worked so hard to avoid.

So I chucked it. And yes, I did begin to feel some guilt about it...beat myself up a bit and felt like a big loser. But then I talked with my spiritual mentor (yep, I got me one of those. She's way cool and she has taught me so much about loving and serving Jesus. I highly recommend that you get one. I think I got her through Amazon - ok just kidding about that.). She said that sometimes as Christians we get used to feeling inadequate, like we don't measure up. Pastors preach every Sunday that we must do better in our walk, we read books to inspire us in some spiritual discipline, etc. All that is good and it's important to grow and stretch, but sometimes we can honestly take a look at where we are with Jesus and feel okay. Wow! What freedom! My mentor compared this feeling to the scene in the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" where Tom Hanks looks into his son's eyes and says, "We're ok aren't we Jonah? We're ok."

There are times in our spiritual quest that we can look at Jesus and say, "Hey, we're ok right?", and rather than feel shame or guilt over the fact that we're not struggling, we can relish in that moment of "okay-ness". What a great feeling!

So I have discovered that fasting from food is not necessarily beneficial for me at this point in my life. In fact, it was definitely creating some unhealthy habits. I think maybe I'll seek another alternative....hmmmm....I wonder what it could be.

Somewhere a dog barks...