Ten years ago today my Mom passed away from acute leukemia caused by the chemotherapy treatments she was undergoing for breast cancer. The song playing is Mindy Smith's "One Moment More". She wrote it after she lost her Mom to breast cancer. I thought it would be fitting to play today.
It’s so hard to believe ten years have passed. At the time Jodie was 3, Jamie was 6 months, and Chase wasn’t even thought of yet. And ten years from now, Chase will be graduating from high school. Where does the time go?
I took Natty-dog for a run today and we went through the cemetery where Mom’s grave is. We stopped for awhile. I think Natty sensed my sadness. At first she sat and licked my face, but then she lay quietly next to me while I cried.
I miss my Mom. I miss the sound of her working in the kitchen. I miss the smell of her Sunday dinner…try as I might, mine’s never as good as hers. I miss hearing her hum while she was lost in thought. I miss the way she would try not to laugh at my jokes, but then she’d smile that crooked smile. I miss how she would make even the simplest things special, like shaping little tomatoes into roses just to make the potato salad look nice. I miss listening to her play the piano. She played all her favorite hymns by ear. I miss her exceptionally soft hands and face, that even at 70 years of age had no signs of a wrinkle. There’s more, but mostly I just miss her.
We really weren’t as close as I would have liked. She wasn’t a warm-fuzzy kind of Mom. She didn’t talk about her childhood or tell stories about her past and she never talked about her feelings. I wish she would have. I would liked to have known her better and I think if she had to do it all over again, she would have wanted me to know her better.
That’s a good lesson, I guess. I want my kids to know me, to know what I believe and what I’m passionate about. I want them to have a huge list of all the things they miss about me when I’m gone! But mostly I want them to know that I loved Jesus and I loved them and that loving others like Jesus loves is what really matters in life.
Even though my Mom was kind of private and I didn't know her the way I would have liked, I know I loved her and she loved me and I miss her very much. I wish I had just one moment more....
