Not To Fast

Well, my fasting days are over. Yep it's true. I quit. Gave it a try and gave it up. But (and everyone's got a big but), I'm ok with it. Seriously. Weird huh? I'm not even carrying around that evangelical guilt that so often jumps on my back and puts me in that choke hold.

Here's the thing. I'm a health nut. Even more so since my battle with cancer. I don't really look at food as a crutch or as entertainment. For me it's more about keeping myself alive through smart choices. I have become quite disciplined about it. So while fasting I discovered that I began to be obsessed with food. I'd think about when and what I could eat next. The day before the fast, I'd start thinking that I better eat more to get me through the next day. After the fast, I'd be so hungry that I'd eat too much. I started becoming unhealthy, the very thing I have worked so hard to avoid.

So I chucked it. And yes, I did begin to feel some guilt about it...beat myself up a bit and felt like a big loser. But then I talked with my spiritual mentor (yep, I got me one of those. She's way cool and she has taught me so much about loving and serving Jesus. I highly recommend that you get one. I think I got her through Amazon - ok just kidding about that.). She said that sometimes as Christians we get used to feeling inadequate, like we don't measure up. Pastors preach every Sunday that we must do better in our walk, we read books to inspire us in some spiritual discipline, etc. All that is good and it's important to grow and stretch, but sometimes we can honestly take a look at where we are with Jesus and feel okay. Wow! What freedom! My mentor compared this feeling to the scene in the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" where Tom Hanks looks into his son's eyes and says, "We're ok aren't we Jonah? We're ok."

There are times in our spiritual quest that we can look at Jesus and say, "Hey, we're ok right?", and rather than feel shame or guilt over the fact that we're not struggling, we can relish in that moment of "okay-ness". What a great feeling!

So I have discovered that fasting from food is not necessarily beneficial for me at this point in my life. In fact, it was definitely creating some unhealthy habits. I think maybe I'll seek another alternative....hmmmm....I wonder what it could be.

Somewhere a dog barks...