Lemonade Stand

What is it about kids and lemonade stands? Has this been going on since the invention of lemonade? Jamie decided she wanted to do a lemonade stand and although the temperatures were nearing 90, she sat in our front yard for hours patiently waiting for a thirsty traveler to happen by.

After time had passed and no sale had been made, she persuaded brother, with the promise of 25 cents, to dress up in his Darth Vader costume and wave down some unsuspecting passersby. Remember, it was nearing 90 degrees out there!
"Luke, I am your father...now buy some lemonade."

After 2 days of selling lemonade for 25 cents a cup, the kids made a total of about $4, half of which was from our local ice cream truck man who stopped and bought some both days. What a nice guy.

Covert Park Beach and Campground

The campsite

'Smores again

The beach was really nice, better than Van Buren

Hours of fun

Night swim

Van Buren State Park Camping

The campsite

Gotta love the 'smores
Nothing better than sitting around a campfire with your family
We rode on the Kal-Haven Trail

Beautiful sunsets

Mom

Ten years ago today my Mom passed away from acute leukemia caused by the chemotherapy treatments she was undergoing for breast cancer. The song playing is Mindy Smith's "One Moment More". She wrote it after she lost her Mom to breast cancer. I thought it would be fitting to play today.

It’s so hard to believe ten years have passed. At the time Jodie was 3, Jamie was 6 months, and Chase wasn’t even thought of yet. And ten years from now, Chase will be graduating from high school. Where does the time go?

I took Natty-dog for a run today and we went through the cemetery where Mom’s grave is. We stopped for awhile. I think Natty sensed my sadness. At first she sat and licked my face, but then she lay quietly next to me while I cried.

I miss my Mom. I miss the sound of her working in the kitchen. I miss the smell of her Sunday dinner…try as I might, mine’s never as good as hers. I miss hearing her hum while she was lost in thought. I miss the way she would try not to laugh at my jokes, but then she’d smile that crooked smile. I miss how she would make even the simplest things special, like shaping little tomatoes into roses just to make the potato salad look nice. I miss listening to her play the piano. She played all her favorite hymns by ear. I miss her exceptionally soft hands and face, that even at 70 years of age had no signs of a wrinkle. There’s more, but mostly I just miss her.

We really weren’t as close as I would have liked. She wasn’t a warm-fuzzy kind of Mom. She didn’t talk about her childhood or tell stories about her past and she never talked about her feelings. I wish she would have. I would liked to have known her better and I think if she had to do it all over again, she would have wanted me to know her better.

That’s a good lesson, I guess. I want my kids to know me, to know what I believe and what I’m passionate about. I want them to have a huge list of all the things they miss about me when I’m gone! But mostly I want them to know that I loved Jesus and I loved them and that loving others like Jesus loves is what really matters in life.

Even though my Mom was kind of private and I didn't know her the way I would have liked, I know I loved her and she loved me and I miss her very much. I wish I had just one moment more....

The Shack

So have you read the book by William Young called "The Shack"? Maybe you read the back cover and then, like me, said "No way will I ever read that. Why would I want to read a gut renching book about the tragedy of losing a child?"

After being coaxed along by friends and my sister-in-law, I decided to borrow a copy and take a look at it. I was hooked just by reading the forward. Finished it in 2 days. I'd highly recommend it. You'll be hooked too...you'll cry, you'll laugh, mostly you'll think about your view of God and wonder.....

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Somewhere a dog barked.....

Hero Mom

Yesterday I got to be a hero. Here's how this rare title became mine for a few moments in time.

As I was putting the kids to bed, boy wonder couldn't find his new Star Wars Storm Trooper. He said he left it in the cargo pocket of his church pants, but he couldn't find his pants. I said that I had seen them in the laundry hamper. He said he looked there and they weren't there. We walked to the laundry hamper and there they were right on top. Figures right? That's not the hero part though.

When he looked in the pocket there was no Star Wars Storm Trooper. Things began to get tense. He had just purchased this the day before with his own money. We looked around, but couldn't find it and it was getting late. I told him he needed to get to bed and that we'd look for it the next day. He fought back tears as he climbed into bed. "I think I lost it and I'll never find it." "Don't worry buddy, we'll find it."

A few minutes later while I was reading a book, he came to me with red watery eyes and said, "Mom, will you wake me up early tomorrow so I can have time to look for my Storm Trooper before school?" I reached out and pulled him up into my lap and said, "Let's think about where you had your Storm Trooper." Step by step we retraced the activities of the day. Took it to church, came home, played outside; "did you take it outside?". "No". "You played downstairs, did you take it down there?" "No, I looked there already." Hmmm....we continued to try and recall all that we had done. Then I remembered that we went out to eat after church. "Did you take it to the restaurant?" "Yes." "What coat did you wear?"

With lightening speed he jumped from my lap and ran out of the room. Within a few short minutes he returned with a somber look on his face. "Did you find it?" Sheepishly he opened his hand and revealed the cherished Storm Trooper. He climbed back up in my lap and gave me a big hug. He didn't say the words, but I'm sure he must have been thinking that at that moment his mom was his hero. It felt good.

Comment to Love Wins

Ah Joann, I think about mom and miss her everyday as well. I have always loved that picture of you and mom in front of the bathroom mirror. I think that bathroom was turquoise.

Being 6 years older than you I do remember a few things about your birth and babyhood with mom. She loved to cuddle you. She loved to put a curl on the top of your head. (I thought it looked silly.) She loved dressing you in pink. She loved to rock you and hum you a little song. She would let me hold you by putting a pillow on my lap and laying you on it. I have a vague memory of mom putting you in the “buggy” (they weren’t called strollers back then I don’t think) and taking us all for a walk around Bundy street.

As you grew older she loved that you liked to play dress-up in girlie clothes. I always played dress-up by putting on Jimmie's clothes. It was the only time I got to wear jeans and to me that was freedom! After 6 years with a tomboy, she was so happy to have a girlie-girl who liked girlie things. I was totally ok with that since it took the pressure off of me to conform!

Mom would be proud of us, Joann; not with many words, but in her quiet way. She’d smile that sort of half smile where it would start out as if she was trying not to smile and then it would turn into a big grin. You know the one, we see it now in Jodie. I wonder if she would see herself in Jodie if she was still here.

Thanks for writing about mom. I miss her so much, but I’m thankful that one day we will all be together again. I love you Joann. And I love you mom.

And Another Thing

My last post examined the idea that as Christians we often think that we need to be struggling with some issue in order to feel like we're maturing in our faith. Furthermore, pastors often preach to us about sin, evil desires, and all the things we're doing that keep us from God.

And then today I was reading in Dallas Willard's book, "The Divine Conspiracy", and bam, there it was. He was explaining what Jesus meant when he spoke of the kingdom of heaven, also noting that churches today rarely speak of Jesus as teacher. Instead we hear a lot about the dos and don'ts of "right" living. Willard writes, "We are flooded with what I have called 'gospels of sin management'...while Jesus' invitation to eternal life now...remains for the most part ignored and unspoken." That's it! That's what I have been feeling and trying to convey, but good 'ol Dallas does it so much better. (I must confess here that this is the second time I have begun reading this book. It's definitely not an easy read, especially for someone who has spent the last 12 years as a stay-at-home mom. Gotta get rid of those dust bunnies of the brain.)

I'm learning to love and serve Jesus because he is my Lord but also because he is my friend and, like Paul, "I want to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his suffering, becoming like him in his death, so as to somehow attain to the resurrection from the dead." Phil. 3:10 That's not about "sin management", that's about living the eternal life now. The word "know" is used here like the word "intimate". I want to know Him intimately.

But (there's that big but again), it doesn't stop there. Knowing Jesus intimately and becoming more like him everyday turns me outward, not inward. And that's where I often feel challenged. What can I do to show God's love in a practical way not just to those around me...that doesn't seem challenging enough. Well, there are some around me who are quite challenging, but I'm speaking about the forgotten, the poor and oppressed that Jesus so often spoke about. My heart desires to do more, maybe volunteer at a women's center or something like that. I must explore this further.

Somewhere a dog barks......

Not To Fast

Well, my fasting days are over. Yep it's true. I quit. Gave it a try and gave it up. But (and everyone's got a big but), I'm ok with it. Seriously. Weird huh? I'm not even carrying around that evangelical guilt that so often jumps on my back and puts me in that choke hold.

Here's the thing. I'm a health nut. Even more so since my battle with cancer. I don't really look at food as a crutch or as entertainment. For me it's more about keeping myself alive through smart choices. I have become quite disciplined about it. So while fasting I discovered that I began to be obsessed with food. I'd think about when and what I could eat next. The day before the fast, I'd start thinking that I better eat more to get me through the next day. After the fast, I'd be so hungry that I'd eat too much. I started becoming unhealthy, the very thing I have worked so hard to avoid.

So I chucked it. And yes, I did begin to feel some guilt about it...beat myself up a bit and felt like a big loser. But then I talked with my spiritual mentor (yep, I got me one of those. She's way cool and she has taught me so much about loving and serving Jesus. I highly recommend that you get one. I think I got her through Amazon - ok just kidding about that.). She said that sometimes as Christians we get used to feeling inadequate, like we don't measure up. Pastors preach every Sunday that we must do better in our walk, we read books to inspire us in some spiritual discipline, etc. All that is good and it's important to grow and stretch, but sometimes we can honestly take a look at where we are with Jesus and feel okay. Wow! What freedom! My mentor compared this feeling to the scene in the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" where Tom Hanks looks into his son's eyes and says, "We're ok aren't we Jonah? We're ok."

There are times in our spiritual quest that we can look at Jesus and say, "Hey, we're ok right?", and rather than feel shame or guilt over the fact that we're not struggling, we can relish in that moment of "okay-ness". What a great feeling!

So I have discovered that fasting from food is not necessarily beneficial for me at this point in my life. In fact, it was definitely creating some unhealthy habits. I think maybe I'll seek another alternative....hmmmm....I wonder what it could be.

Somewhere a dog barks...

To Fast or Not to Fast

So our pastor is encouraging the entire congregation to take part in a season of fasting. Sounds like no big deal right? Wrong! I've looked over the fasting schedule and sure it sounds easy enough, but continue reading and you'll see that before it's all over you'll have completed a total of 85 days of fasting and 40 of those days are consecutive! I really want to be a team player, but that just sounds impossible to me. Especially after giving it a try for just one day.

Last week I did a one day partial fast...meaning I went from dinner one night to dinner the next night. It was painful - literally. My stomach was in agony. I'm such a wimp. But I'm really glad I did it and I did spend most of the day in constant prayer because I could barely function due to the agonizing hunger pains. And of course I continually thought about the people all over the world who suffer hunger pains on a daily basis. Again, I'm such a wimp.

An interesting conversation did happen at the dinner table when I finally broke my fast. I hadn't told the kids I was fasting until we sat down to eat that night. I explained to them what it was and why we fast. I was telling them that a pretty cool thing happened while having my devotions that morning. I've been reading in Mark and the passage for that day was the story about the disciples who were trying to cast out a demon from a boy and they couldn't do it. So Jesus came and took care of that pesky spirit. Later the disciples asked Jesus why they couldn't cast it out and he told them that some can only be driven out with prayer and fasting. "Isnt' that amazing?", I said. "The day I was fasting the scripture for my devotions was about fasting!" To which boy wonder replied in that what-did-you-expect kind of voice, "Well yeah, it's a God thing." duh.

I'm going to continue fasting one day a week and maybe work up to 3 days of partial fasting. I want to stretch in my walk with Jesus and this is an area I have always pretty much avoided, not because I'm a food-aholic, I'm extremely disciplined when it comes to food. So why have I avoided fasting? Maybe it's because I don't like discomfort. If that's the case, maybe vowing to sleep on the floor for 40 days would be just as difficult and I bet most of the world sleeps on a hard surface every night, so it correlates. Hmmm...I'm actually not sure which would be more difficult, 40 days of fasting or 40 days of sleeping on the floor. I'll have to sleep on that one and get back to ya.

Food for Thought

Healthy eating - not an easy task in today's world, or maybe I should say in the United States today. I've always been a bit of a health nut, but even more so after experiencing cancer last year. My friend Mary D. says, "We don't know what we don't know" and I'm sure finding that to be true as I research information pertaining to nutrition.

I'm learning that much of the information about what's good for us and what's not is controlled by politics. For instance, most European countries have stopped putting fluoride in drinking water because they know that it is extremely harmful to our bodies. In fact, according to one article I read, fluoride is more toxic than lead. Yet our government demands that it be added to our drinking water. Check out this website for more info.
http://www.fluoridealert.org/professionals.statement.html

Then I learned that canola oil (short for Canadian Oil, where most of the rape seed that is used to make canola oil is grown.) is bad for us. It's difficult to explain, but if you want to read more, go to http://www.westonaprice.org/knowyourfats/conola.html

And all the sugars; fructose, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup - we don't have to be rocket scientists to know sugar is bad for us, but it's in everything from cookies and cakes to crackers and every cereal imaginable. It's even in a can of kidney beans for crying out loud. And don't get me started on the dangers of cereals. We Americans are totally hooked on sugar and our addiction is causing oppression to the people of the Dominican where much of our sugar cane is grown. It's appalling. For more information, go to
http://www.sugarbabiesfilm.com/cgi-local/content.cgi?pg=3

Needless to say, we are making some major changes in how we eat around here. If it comes in a box, we don't eat it. If it's processed we don't eat it. If it has sugar, we don't eat it. The kids are actually handling it quite well. They're beginning to read labels all on their own. "Woah mom, look at all the junk in this." "Hey mom, even these crackers have high fructose corn syrup." I haven't gone totally ballistic on them. We avoid the above mentioned foods, but there are still some around the house. We're just learning to limit them and finding that we really can do without.

I still made chocolate chip cookies the other day, but I only put in half the sugar, used organic whole wheat flour, and chocolate chips that were 70% chocolate with no artificial flavors added. They're not as sweet, but boy wonder said, "These aren't so bad, my taste buds can handle it."

He's not a big fan of milk anyway, but when I put the non-homogenized milk from grass-fed cows in front of him, he began to drink then said, "Oh wait, I forgot to turn off my tongue." He then stuck out his tongue, turned some kind of imaginary knob on it and proceeded to drink it all down with no complaints. Middle child on the other hand, had seconds and maybe thirds.

The goal here is to eat as naturally as we can and re-program ourselves so that we're not eating things just because they're convenient. It's going to take some work, but I believe that it's the best thing for our health. What I think the kids understand is that mom is just trying to do her best to keep the big C from ever entering our home again. And since they saw first hand what that was about, they seem willing to make the sacrifices.

Love Actually

I'm reading Dallas Willard's "Restoration of the Heart" again. This will be the second time. Actually, if you count all the times I've had to re-read certain phrases or paragraphs, I'm probably closer to 20-25 times. That Willard...sure makes a person think. But I love when an author makes me go, "huh?".

So what is my spiritual side and how does it affect my actions and life? Willard says that "spiritual formation for the Christian basically refers to the spirit-driven process of forming the inner world of the human self in such a way that it becomes like the inner being of Christ Himself." Look into that and be scared. The inner being of Christ led Him to hang out with prostitutes, have dinner with crooked government employees, touch the lepers, and eventually die a horrible death...willingly. And my goal is to be more like Him everyday...what? Seriously? Do I really want to tackle that challenge?

Yes...yes I do. And it scares me. According to Willard, "the degree to which spiritual formation in Christ is successful, the outer life of the individual becomes a natural expression or outflow of the character and teachings of Jesus." I'm not even close. But I have this longing for my inner life to become like the inner being of Jesus. And it's not about doing good, although that is an outcome. I want to love like Jesus because I deeply love Him, not because I want to be like Him. Does that make sense? I don't want to do good just because I'm trying to be more like Him. I want my love for Him to somehow work it's way out of me into my everyday life.

My battle with cancer drew me into a relationship with Jesus that was deep and vibrant. Most of my prayers weren't answered, at least not the way I wanted them to be. But that was really the beauty of it. I learned to love Jesus more deeply just because. Not because of the miraculous way He had healed me.

So is it possible for me to love others...just because, not for any other reason? Just because...no strings attached. Not so I can gain something from them or so that I can say, "Hey Jesus, look at me, I'm loving like you." Love, pure and simple....well, probably not always simple. Willard says that trying to act lovingly will only lead to despair and to the defeat of love. It's taking God's kind of love into the depths of our being through spiritual formation that enables us to act lovingly.

God's love in the depths of my being...I like it.

"I Want to be a Noun"

Friday, January 11, 2008

The other day Chase said, "Mom, I want to be a noun when I grow up." Wondering what he really meant but not wanting to embarrass him I asked, "What exactly do you want to do when you're a noun?" To which Jamie quickly recited, "You are a noun, because a noun is a person, place or thing." Ahh, the joy of big sisters.

He went on to explain and demonstrate that he wanted to be one of those people that wears white gloves and pretends to be in a box.
I said, "Oh you mean a mime."
"Yea a mine. I want to be a mine. Do they make much money?"
"I guess it depends how good you are", I replied. He thought for a moment.
"Do mines help poor people?" (A side note: I often can be caught brainwashing the kids by telling them that I believe God will use them someday to help the poor, oppressed and underprivileged because that's what Jesus said is important.) Wanting to encourage this line of thinking I said, "Sure they could perform for kids who have never had the opportunity to see a mime; a mime could even go to a children's hospital and perform for kids who are sick."
"That's it!!", he said all excited. "I'll be a mine for kids in the hospital so they can forget they are sick!"

I love conversations like that.

Change

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Change....I like change, most of the time. I like the change that the seasons bring; new colors, new temperature, new smell in the air. I like a change of schedule, like Christmas break for the kiddos and the end of teaching a fall class for me. I even like to change my mind, which I do quite frequently.

There is some change that I find a bit more difficult to accept....the change in the size of my kids. Last week I gave daughter in the middle one of my shirts that had shrunk in the wash. Who'd have guessed it'd be the second born getting my hand-me-downs? Today firstborn and I stood side by side in front of the mirror and we can't tell who's taller. If she'd just stand up straight I'm pretty sure she'd pass me by a hair.

Later the little guy gave me a goodnight hug and I picked him up and carried him to his room which I haven't done in a long time. He's getting heavy. I love the feel of his arms tight around my neck. I miss the feel of the fuzzy sleepers he used to wear.

I tucked him in and read one of his favorite books from the Little Critter book series. He likes to spot spider and cricket on every page. I kissed him goodnight and told him I was proud of him and in his best Elvis impersonation he said, "Thank you, thank you very much." I hope his sense of humor never changes.

What If...continued

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Shane totally gets it. I wish I'd have gotten it when I was his age. I'll start at the beginning.

In my last post I pondered over whether or not Jesus really meant what he said, because if He did then why do we live like He didn't? In his book, "Irresistible Revolution", Shane Claiborne asks the same question. In his search for the answer he decided that he needed to give up Christianity and just follow Jesus. Sounds kind of radical. Shane says he's an ordinary radical. Following Jesus, really following Him, is costly. Just ask the disciples, or Dietrich Bonhoeffer, or Mother Teresa, or Corrie ten Boom.

Shane spent a summer ministering in Calcutta with Mother Teresa where he heard her say things like, "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it." There's the real clincher; it is often easier to "do" than to love. But we are called to love like Jesus. Touching the untouchable, loving the unlovable. That's no easy task.

I wonder if while I sit in my comfortable pew every Sunday, worshiping Jesus, singing songs of praise to Him, if He would just prefer that I got off my butt and went where I could actually be Jesus to someone. And not just on Sunday, obviously.

So how does a middle-aged mother of 3 really make a difference in a broken world? Being a Sunday School teacher just doesn't seem to cut it for me. How can I be an ordinary radical for Jesus and still be a good mom who makes sure the laundry's done, supper's fixed, and the house doesn't look like hurricane Katrina just passed through?

I don't know yet, but I'm not giving up on finding out because it's as important for my kids as it is for me.

What if Jesus meant the stuff he said?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I have been reading in Matthew lately. Yesterday's passage has been irritating me a bit. Jesus was walking in the morning and he was hungry. He approached a fig tree that was full of leaves, but had no figs so he cursed it and it immediately withered.

His disciples asked him how the fig tree withered so quickly. Jesus responded by telling them that if they have faith and do not doubt, not only can they do what was done to the fig tree, but they can also say to a mountain, "Go throw yourself into the sea" and it will be done. He told them that if they believe, whatever they ask for in prayer, they will receive.

Ok, I know all the stuff the scholars and preachers tell us..."Jesus didn't really mean that. We can't use prayer as some kind of magic in order to perform incredible acts." But, what if they're wrong? No, I'm not suggesting that it's all hocus pocus. But didn't Jesus say that all authority that was given to him has been given to us? He cursed the fig tree, it withered, and then he told his disciples that they could do even greater things if they believed.

What if we're missing out on the power of God because it's easier to explain away these passages as "symbolism" than to admit we don't have the kind of faith Jesus is talking about?

My pastor says that prayer changes things sometimes, but it changes me all the time. I like that and agree with him. But here's what's really bugging me about all this:

My friend just finished going through chemotherapy for the third time in 2 years. Her blood counts show that the cancer is still in her body and the doctor wants her to begin another 6 months of chemo. If Jesus says we can move mountains, why shouldn't we be able to move cancer right out of her body and down the stinking toilet?

I wonder if someday when we no longer look through the glass darkly, we will realize that we had this amazing gift from God but we were so afraid of failure that we never opened it. Are we so fragile that we're afraid to lay our hearts open before God and ask for a miracle because if we don't receive it than somehow we're weak? Or worse yet, we're afraid it means God must not exist.

I don't think it works like that. Maybe we should pray and ask for the miracle, believing we will receive it, knowing that we very well might not, but remaining faithful to God no matter what the outcome, but never apologizing for believing in the first place.